This Game Costs 10 Dollars. Are you really gonna spend 10 whole dollars on this game? In this economy?
This game has been made to take your money and I am not even hiding it.
Or is it?
This psychological experience is unlike any other game ever imagined. Yes even that one. And that other one too.
This game is about a man, me, trying to take your money by any means necessary. This means that I have to entertain you for enough time for you to not be able to return it, like a parent babysitting their child. And you, my friend, are the child.
GAMEPLAY
This game includes characters, many of which have human features and appear human. Whether they are or are not is up to your interpretation, if you dare. This game also includes buildings, many of which have walls and floors. My house does not have wall and floors. That's why I need your 10 dollars. That way I can finally fulfill my lifelong wish of buying a door.
PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER
This game will make you feel feeling you haven't felt since you were 12. Feelings like sadness, fortitude, and wondering "Where in these parts can I get a good burger without breaking the bank?" That last one can be answered quite easily by playing the game. This game will make you question your very existence and why you paid your 10 dollars. Or whatever it is in your currency. I don't judge. I take money from all kinds of people. Like the elderly and the divorced. Unfortunately, you can't get divorced in this game because that feature would simply be too fun for this game. And I can't allow that.
TREES
This visual experience includes trees unlike anything you've ever seen. there are many trees scattered across the map. Yes, this game has a map. Exciting, I know, but I cannot yet reveal what it is. That would ruin the fun. But the trees on the map are also accompanied by bushes and benches. Thrilling, I know.
ENDINGS
This game includes 10 unique endings to find based upon your choices. There are many ways for a life to end but these are the most exquisite ways to die in my humble opinion. Finding some of these ends may be a challenge. Good. You deserve a good challenge. Especially after last week's fiasco. You know the one. No, the other one. God, how much did you do last week?
COMEDY
This game has been labelled by my critics as a "lame comedy" but this game is not truly a comedy. It is a grave warning of the perils of the spending of man on overpriced steam games when you really need to be saving your money up for that rodeo your uncle keeps inviting you to. No, the rodeo is not in the game but if you close you eyes, you could imagine it is. This experience will make you think unlike any experience ever experienced by the world's most experienced experiencers. To call it a comedy is simply revealing that you lack the brain power in order to fully understand my mastermind and to that I say, don't even bother spending your ten dollars. You'll need it more than I do. And I cannot even afford a door for my man palace. And yes, that is the proper term for my abode. So move along, and find a better game for your weak mind.
